Extolling The Female Tongue
2007 Selwyn Duke
long time ago I read a short online piece about how women could get their men to
put the toilet seat down. Inherent
in it was the idea that this was an example of men’s lack of consideration and
that the task at hand was one of disciplining these bad boys.
I don’t know, my attitude is that if women can leave a toilet seat
down, men can leave it up.
course, this is just a silly, pebble-in-the-shoe issue, but I see it as a
metaphor for a modern phenomenon: The casting of women’s characteristic
behaviors as the norm and men’s as dysfunctional deviations.
is strikingly obvious with the topic of communication.
Man has long known that women were the more loquacious sex, and you’ve
probably heard of studies to this effect. A
recent book states
that women have about 20,000 “communication events” (I love these terms the
psycho-babblers conjure up) a day, versus about 7,000 for men.
But this is nothing new; who didn’t know a bevy of garrulous girls in
is new is the assumption that this imputes superiority to women.
“Communication” has become one of the buzzwords of modern psychology.
And, whenever relationships are at issue – be it in a book, article,
talk or interview – almost invariably an “expert” will inform us of two
things. One is that women
communicate more than men. The other
is that an onus belongs on men as this “handicap” of theirs is an impediment
to good relations. Why, men need to
learn to communicate more and share their feelings, we’re told.
anyone ever think that maybe women communicate too darn much?
get me wrong, rhetorical license aside, I understand the importance of
communication. What bothers me,
though, is the knee-jerk assumption here that more is better, a conclusion that
most of the same researchers take great pains to forestall when the issue is,
oh, let’s say, the greater size of the male brain.
But this is a principle of sex differences research: When men have more,
more is less. When women have less,
less is more.
that’s it, more or less.
seems to escape most is that this modern exaltation of the lip lies in stark
contrast to what wisdom has taught since time immemorial.
And the truth she imparts is obvious, which is why sayings encapsulating
it abound: “Still waters run deep,” “Empty kettles make the most noise,”
“Shallow brooks are noisy” and “There are two kinds of people who don't
say much, those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.”
why movies have always portrayed the strong, silent type who exhibits quiet
fortitude as the most heroic of men. It’s
why good writers value verbosity no more than good surgeons do bloodletting.
Delicate operations warrant use of a fine scalpel, something small and
sharp that punctures precisely – and cuts when necessary – not an implement
bigger and blunter. And this is true
whether you wish to get at the heart of a man or the heart of a matter: a
precise surgical approach is usually preferable.
Big, blunt things are better suited to bludgeoning.
be quite blunt myself, yes, I subscribe to the traditional idea that women are
chatterboxes and it’s not their best trait.
Don’t get me wrong, we men have our faults as well.
For instance, I absolutely cannot stand my brothers’ habit of
channel-surfing, which I guess could be characterized as Chatting Finger
Syndrome. But here’s the
difference. Whether it’s this
masculine foible or another, no one does intellectual contortions to cast it as
a positive attribute. At best it’s
seen as cute quirkiness, at worst as a defect of manliness.
just imagine how it might be if incessant channel-surfing were a characteristic
female behavior. It would only be a
matter of time before some sickologists conducted a study and portrayed it as
yet another example of feminine superiority.
It would go something like this:
is akin to speed-reading, not a function of a fault but indicative of a unique
ability. Because women have more
neural connections between the two hemispheres of the brain, they can process
information faster, allowing them to absorb the substance and assess the value
of a given program in mere seconds. Thus,
while a man may perceive just a brief snapshot of seemingly unintelligible
imagery and sound, his wife has already assimilated the program’s relevant
information or ascertained it to be devoid of such.
“She is anxious to read the next page while he is still on the first
paragraph of the last,” said Dr. Delilah Emasculata of the Sex Differences
Research and Proof That Women Are Better in Every Way So Just Shut-up and Take
truth is that both men and women should understand their sex’s characteristic
frailties and, just as with any negative proclivity, seek to tame them.
Hey, I always ask directions and I’m great at matching colors.
for communication, I have some of the best advice you gals will ever hear.
If you have something important to say, don’t embed it in an
interminable stream-of-consciousness monologue between words 1129 and 1145 and
expect the man in your life to absorb it. It’s
not that he doesn’t care. He has
his sanity to think about, you know.
mother used to teach us that “Speech is silver, silence is golden.”
I wouldn’t expect anyone to learn much while channel-surfing in fully
automatic mode. Tongue-surfing
isn’t much better.
doesn’t denote sagacity.
and the toilet seat? I just don’t
want to talk about it.
Selwyn Duke is a freelance writer out or Larchmont, NY. He has written for various publications including: IntellectualConservative.com, AmericanThinker.com and is a regular columnist for RenewAmerica.us.